What Am I Waiting For?

Ever since I quit RYFO I feel like I’ve been playing a waiting game. Waiting for my life to start. For God to drop a new project conveniently in my lap and say “Run with it.” Waiting for my husband to show his face. Waiting to have my own place. Waiting, waiting, waiting. As I’ve been in this “waiting room” I’ve started to find myself coveting more and more. I wish I could do what this person’s doing. Or be as established as this person or be on the road traveling like that person. I wish I wish I wish… Yet here I am in Nashville Tennessee without a clue of what my life will look like a year from now. So many things could drastically change in the next year. I could be planning a wedding, starting a non-profit, living in a different state. This phase of my life as been the most difficult to accept. A part of me feels like I’m missing out on something or I should be working harder, but I’m reluctant to work hard because I don’t know what I’m working towards. What’s the purpose of being 23? I’m not old enough to have the respect to start a revolution, but I feel too old to follow. I need some direction. I want to work on something, but I really don’t know what that is. I have all this energy and time to DO something, and not being able to funnel it is really dampening my spirits.

I hope Brick By Brick Network is something I can latch on to. Here it goes.

Salt Stings the Open Wound

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.”

My friend just posted a note in regards to this verse and it got me thinking…

Recently I’ve been convicted of being comfortable. It was brought up in a recent sermon podcast I listened to and in the book Carried (by Jeremy Willet) that I’m reading. Think of all the ways Jesus and the disciples were uncomfortable, in agonizing pain or rejected. American culture tells us to go for the biggest house, the nicest car, the best paying job. All those things make us “comfortable.” No where does Jesus promise us “health and wealth.” Success? Yes. Prosperity? Sure. But also keep in mind that when we love God will all we have His will becomes our will and His dreams, our dreams. Our success and prosperity is not longer determined by our house, car, job or family.

We’re called beyond American ideology. We are called to be counter-culture to be SALT. Salt preserves, adds flavor and fights certain infections.

When salt is applied to a wound it stings. We’re the salt of the earth and we’re not called to sit around and watch our brothers and sisters destroy themselves with sin. If we truly are salt it’s gonna be uncomfortable when we apply some Truth to our lives and our brothers and sisters in Christ’s lives. Salt fights the ultimate disease of sin and salt stings the open wound.

(I’m going to need help and accountability to be continually reminded of this… any help is always appreciated)

Defending “non-Christian” Music

I recently got this email from a Ryfo member. (I’ve disclosed the name)

“I read your profile on the RYFO April newsletter. Adorable picture, btw.
But I have a question, as a youth group vounteer at my church. If you do not feel it is too personal, could you please help answer it? I was interested in your response to the question about the last three bands to which you have listened. I know enough about Linkin Park to know they are not Christian. I have heard some of the songs by this band and I find some of the lyrics offensive. As a Christian yourself, why do you listen to them?
Now I am 51 years old but a huge fan of music. When I first got saved I went through my CDs and movies and got rid of everything above PG-13 or any music that was not edifying or glorifying. The kids in the youth group consider me old fashioned and uninformed. I have been accused of being narrow minded. I consider it immersion. I only listen to Christian music. I would appreciate if you could explain this to me.
Thank You and God Bless you and your work at RYFO.”

This was my response:

“I have no problem answering that. Yes I also find some of Linkin Park’s song lyrics offensive, mostly just the songs off the album Minutes to Midnight. There are 3 songs that contain the f word. When I purchased the album I didn’t save those 3 songs on to my computer or my MP3 player. However their songs ”What I’ve Done” “No More Sorrow” “Somewhere I Belong” “Numb” and a few others are very inspiring to me.

WHAT I’VE DONE:

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies
So let mercy come

And wash away
What I’ve done
I’ve faced myself
To cross out what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

For What I’ve Done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m Forgiving What I’ve Done

NO MORE SORROW:
I’m aware of what you’ve done
No, no more sorrow
I’ve paid for your mistakes
You’re time is borrowed
Your time has come to be replaced
I see pain
I see need
I see liars and thieves
Abused power with greed

Chester Bennington who wrote/sung the lyrics to those songs is actually a Christian. He talked about it in an interview with HM magazine. I had suspected it for a few years, but never had any verification. Though the other members of his band are not Christian I still find inspiration through his writing and want to support his music. Most of the time when I listen to music I listen to each song individually. I think you can worship God in whatever you do including listening to music. The beautiful thing about music is it can be interpreted in many ways. When I sing What I’ve Done I thank God for the mercy he’s given me and the ability to erase my past. When I listen to No More Sorrow I think of this awful world we’ve created and how Jesus will come again and rid us all of that.

To me each song is like a character in a book or a movie. Though the author may or not be a believer he still writes in characters that are evil or have terrible habits because it reflects our culture. Linkin Park has a lot of dark lyrics with a lot of pain and suffering, but then again so does the band RED who plays festivals like Creation and Purple Door.

I actually don’t really support the culture we’ve created within Christian music. We’ve become too isolated and unable to reach out to the rest of our community. I think there is definitely a need for praise music like David Crowder Band, but I think as Christians we need to support “non-Christian bands” that promote Christian ideologies in the same way we should support books and movies that contain Christian values. A lot of Christians in music need to also write outside of just praise music. They need to write about relationships, feeling alone, being hurt, trying your best at something. Kids really relate to music and if they find music that deals with something they’re going through they’ll listen to it, whether it’s of Christian ideology or not.  I hope that wasn’t too long winded and it answers your question. If you have any other thoughts or comments let me know.”

His/Her Response:
“I appreciate your reply and you have given me some new insights to ponder. I still am conflicted. The whole “if you are not for Me you are against Me” idea is these musicians who think like Christians but are living worldly. What does that say about their testimony?
I am looking for integrity and I don’t see it when a person who claims to be a Christian is in a band spouting coarse language and in a corrupt lifestyle.

I am wrestling myself with the whole revelation(s) of Jennifer Knapp and Ray Boltz.”

To which I Replied:
“You make a good point (Name). I don’t really concern myself with their lifestyle choices. If Chester of Linkin Park was my friend I knew his situation and where his heart was in the band I might be able to form an opinion. I don’t think we need to always keep such a close connect to the artist’s product and his/her lifestyle. Jennifer Knapp without a doubt creates beautiful praise filled music. Her struggle (or non-struggle as she probably views it) with her sexuality is between her friends, her and God. I’ve prayed that God has someone in her life that will gently correct her and walk with her through it. The Lord has given her a beautiful gift and it has inspired so many people over the years. Though I do not support her choice I can still enjoy her music.

Recently I was with some friends in a band, the lead singer and drummer are both Christians, but the others are still figuring out what it means to follow God. The others have made some pretty poor choices in my opinion. I talk with them and pray with them, but because they still are not Christians I have no place to judge them or correct their ways (1 Cor. 5:12). I am praying through my love and friendship that God will put our relationship in a place where I can help shepherd them to a closer life with Christ and imitating Him. That’s the core of Ryfo for me. I hope you continue to pray for artists in the mainstream and Christian artists that seem to wander from the narrow path before us. Being ‘narrow minded’ isn’t a negative attribute in any way, but we still need to display love and gently correct our brothers and sisters in Christ and not cast judgement on non-believers.”

Serving the Voices

As many of you know I’m involved with an organization called the Ryfo Network. It’s an organization established to “holistically care for the unique physical, spiritual and emotional needs or touring musicians.” I’ve been so blessed by the people I’ve met through Ryfo and how much God has stretched me through it.

Ryfo is getting ready to create a ground breaking website to replace the current Ryfo.org. The musicians life style has drastically changed over the past 10 years and Ryfo is one of the first organizations to help musicians attempt to make a living at what they do. The industry has been crippled by digital piracy and the idea of supporting yourself, let alone a family, playing music seems beyond reality. Please support Ryfo’s vision for music and for musicians.

Get all the info you need at www.ServingtheVoices.org

There’s videos to watch of the new site, opportunities to donate, and ways to spread the word!

Thank you so much for your support in this!

Committed Relationships

I decided to publish my Comm 301 research paper from last year on Google Documents. Read it below.

Communication Patterns of Touring Musicians in Committed Relationships

Undivided Devotion to the Lord

Recently I’ve had an overwhelming number of friends begin the next stage of their life, the marriage/family/baby stage. My best friend from middle school is pregnant with her first child. I ran into another friend from middle school who has TWO children. Probably more than a dozen of my friends are engaged or newly weds. I mean I’m 22. It’s not like I have a bunch of teenage pregnant friends who are eloping. But I still feel like we’re all just kids. There’s so much I want to do, I still feel like I haven’t discovered myself. A lot of friends are talking about “settling down” but I feel like I’m just getting started. Last night my dad mentioned that he and my mom got married when they were 23. (which then was proceeded by a hug probably as a consoling “it’ll happen for you just be patient”)

I know we all “grow” at different rates, but I feel like I’m no where close to the marriage stage of my life. I’m so confused sometimes about at which stage I am. I’ve been on one date in my life and never had a boyfriend. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just avoiding dating because I view marriage as this binding burden that will cause me to stop everything and devote my time to building a family. I want to have children someday, but I want to build RYFO’s ministry. Sometimes I take a look around at everyone and think “what’s wrong with them? What are they thinking?” and other times I look around and think “What’s wrong with me? Why am I so different?” Am I too much of an independent person? Am I just really focused on God and don’t have a lot of emotion and time to give to someone else?

Paul talks about marriage as a ‘distraction’ from God. It splits our focus from just being on God to both God and pleasing our spouse.

1 Corinthians 7:34-35 “An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. ³⁵I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”

When We’re without Sin

Yesterday I spent some time with a friend of mine from high school.  We mostly talk on the phone and conversations are usually sort and under 5 minutes.  Sometimes I struggle with talking with her not because I don’ feel like we have much in common it’s that I have trouble explaining certain things to her because she’s blind. She’s been completely blind since birth. I wondered the other day if I brought up the time we went snow tubing 5 years ago how would she remember it? Would she remember the smells? The motion of sliding down the hills? The way I remember things is I visualize them. I relive them in my mind through the memories stored by sight.

We talk a lot about music and I caught myself getting ready to ask her if she had seen the music video for a song… Instead of asking I proceeded with explaining the plot. Is this how God feels about us somehow? Does he just not bring things up or change how He presents them because He knows we can’t comprehend them? A circle to me can be defined by my eyes and or touch. For my friend she defines a circle by how it feels.  Our sin and tiny minds limits what God can explain to us. It has in a spiritual sense blinded us. Imagine the day when we are fully wrapped in God’s glory and He can explain anything and everything to us.  One day when we’re without sin.

My multiple personalities

I just got home yesterday from a summer working as a wrangler at Camp Hebron.  I realize how different I act either at home, at camp or at school.  Home I am very quiet, and almost apathetic.  Camp has created a high energy and loud atmosphere that I totally submerge myself in when I’m there.  School is a combination of the two.  I feel the most alive at camp.  I feel God’s presence there more that any other place.  Now my struggle is how do I bring my personality at camp, home?  During our last night at camp Chris Schulze pointed out 3 lies that we can cave into once we leave camp.  One of them was that we can’t dance and jump when we praise God at home.  I love music and I love using it to praise Jesus.  I love dancing and clapping out of the joy He’s brought to my life.  I need to get over the fear of embarrassment of doing that in my own church.  I want to be contagious.  I want God’s energy and life to shine so brightly through how I worship with not only song, but with my entire being, my entire life.  
How do I take the person I am at camp and transform it to the person I am no matter where I go.  God used camp to begin my relationship with Him.  It’s where I was transformed and became a new creation.  As I grew up the new habits I formed after I was reborn in Christ carried over to every aspect of my life however not all of my old-self has disappeared from how I act at home.  I’m terrible at serving my family and doing things for them and being mindful of them.
Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  
I need to renew my mind to be the new Jess Tack not only at camp but at home.  This year will be a great opportunity to work on this since I’ll be commuting from home for my last year at college.  I’ll have more opportunities to serve my parents and my uncle.

Brick Wall

Wow. The summer is practically over. And today I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall. My body felt disconnected from my brain. I didn’t want to move or be with my AWESOME campers. But next week is the last week of camp. What do I have to show for it? How have I grown or helped others grow in Christ? Have I learned anything from Him? Broken any old habits? Made any new ones?
I’ve started to take a personal inventory of my time at Camp Hebron. I’ve coined this place as my “spiritual hospital” I was ‘born’ here and I come back to be mended and strengthened. I’m ‘diagnosed’ with my sin ailments and receive treatment and support. There is no other place like it. I’m certain that this is how God intended the world to be. A safe, challenging, supportive and loving environment.
I hope my time here wasn’t completely selfish. I hope I’ve shared a glimpse of Christ’s love to the campers. It’s been difficult to talk mostly about horses with my campers. I so deeply want to know where they’re at with God. What do they think about the cross? Do they get it? Do they understand the grace and the sacrifice? I know it took me a LONG time to get some sort of grasp on the cross. I still don’t fully comprehend the magnitude of it all.
Prayer:
LORD give me love, give me energy. More importantly make Your love known to the campers either through me or inspite of me.

Happiness is Overrated

From the oh-so-philosophical EleventySeven (but it fits how I feel to a T):

Happiness is overrated
It always lets me down
It’s artificially inflated
She’s a flirt and she burns me every time
Happiness is just a dream and nothing’s what it seems

Happiness broke my heart
But You caught all the pieces
I thought that I’d found it all
But Your love is so much deeper
Even though my life’s a mess
I love You more than happiness