When We’re without Sin

Yesterday I spent some time with a friend of mine from high school.  We mostly talk on the phone and conversations are usually sort and under 5 minutes.  Sometimes I struggle with talking with her not because I don’ feel like we have much in common it’s that I have trouble explaining certain things to her because she’s blind. She’s been completely blind since birth. I wondered the other day if I brought up the time we went snow tubing 5 years ago how would she remember it? Would she remember the smells? The motion of sliding down the hills? The way I remember things is I visualize them. I relive them in my mind through the memories stored by sight.

We talk a lot about music and I caught myself getting ready to ask her if she had seen the music video for a song… Instead of asking I proceeded with explaining the plot. Is this how God feels about us somehow? Does he just not bring things up or change how He presents them because He knows we can’t comprehend them? A circle to me can be defined by my eyes and or touch. For my friend she defines a circle by how it feels.  Our sin and tiny minds limits what God can explain to us. It has in a spiritual sense blinded us. Imagine the day when we are fully wrapped in God’s glory and He can explain anything and everything to us.  One day when we’re without sin.

My multiple personalities

I just got home yesterday from a summer working as a wrangler at Camp Hebron.  I realize how different I act either at home, at camp or at school.  Home I am very quiet, and almost apathetic.  Camp has created a high energy and loud atmosphere that I totally submerge myself in when I’m there.  School is a combination of the two.  I feel the most alive at camp.  I feel God’s presence there more that any other place.  Now my struggle is how do I bring my personality at camp, home?  During our last night at camp Chris Schulze pointed out 3 lies that we can cave into once we leave camp.  One of them was that we can’t dance and jump when we praise God at home.  I love music and I love using it to praise Jesus.  I love dancing and clapping out of the joy He’s brought to my life.  I need to get over the fear of embarrassment of doing that in my own church.  I want to be contagious.  I want God’s energy and life to shine so brightly through how I worship with not only song, but with my entire being, my entire life.  
How do I take the person I am at camp and transform it to the person I am no matter where I go.  God used camp to begin my relationship with Him.  It’s where I was transformed and became a new creation.  As I grew up the new habits I formed after I was reborn in Christ carried over to every aspect of my life however not all of my old-self has disappeared from how I act at home.  I’m terrible at serving my family and doing things for them and being mindful of them.
Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  
I need to renew my mind to be the new Jess Tack not only at camp but at home.  This year will be a great opportunity to work on this since I’ll be commuting from home for my last year at college.  I’ll have more opportunities to serve my parents and my uncle.

Brick Wall

Wow. The summer is practically over. And today I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall. My body felt disconnected from my brain. I didn’t want to move or be with my AWESOME campers. But next week is the last week of camp. What do I have to show for it? How have I grown or helped others grow in Christ? Have I learned anything from Him? Broken any old habits? Made any new ones?
I’ve started to take a personal inventory of my time at Camp Hebron. I’ve coined this place as my “spiritual hospital” I was ‘born’ here and I come back to be mended and strengthened. I’m ‘diagnosed’ with my sin ailments and receive treatment and support. There is no other place like it. I’m certain that this is how God intended the world to be. A safe, challenging, supportive and loving environment.
I hope my time here wasn’t completely selfish. I hope I’ve shared a glimpse of Christ’s love to the campers. It’s been difficult to talk mostly about horses with my campers. I so deeply want to know where they’re at with God. What do they think about the cross? Do they get it? Do they understand the grace and the sacrifice? I know it took me a LONG time to get some sort of grasp on the cross. I still don’t fully comprehend the magnitude of it all.
Prayer:
LORD give me love, give me energy. More importantly make Your love known to the campers either through me or inspite of me.

Happiness is Overrated

From the oh-so-philosophical EleventySeven (but it fits how I feel to a T):

Happiness is overrated
It always lets me down
It’s artificially inflated
She’s a flirt and she burns me every time
Happiness is just a dream and nothing’s what it seems

Happiness broke my heart
But You caught all the pieces
I thought that I’d found it all
But Your love is so much deeper
Even though my life’s a mess
I love You more than happiness

New Challenges

I think I need to go back and read my post about being content in every situation. (Phil 4:11-13). This is going to be a constant battle for me. I was talking on the phone with Nick the director of RYFO and there are so many things I want to do to help, but either time or lack of knowledge won’t allow. It’s extremely frustrating. Some days I want to pack up everything… actually let me back up to the last post…. pack up a few things SELL everything else and move to California and work at the RYFO “office” and finish my degree there. I have so many things I want to be a part of and I don’t want to go to camp this summer with only half my heart there. I’m sure once I’m back in my element things will smooth out. I love working with the kids and I love working at the barn with the horses. At the same time I know what I want to do for my life (not my job/career per-say) but for my life-ministry. I want to make RYFO work and there have been so many new ideas and things that have been coming up Nick and I are finding ourselves inadequate. Neither of us know much about business and that’s what we’ve been running into A LOT recently. Pray for myself and RYFO. That I can be patient and content and that Nick, Matt and I can gain the knowledge we need to make good business decisions and plans.

Ordinary Radical

Recently I’ve been reading the Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne.  Shane talks about living as an “ordinary radical.”  As a college student he and his friends would visit the streets of Philadelphia and meet with the homeless.  At another time Shane and company helped a community stay in an abandoned church that the city threatened to kick them out of.  Going through this book makes me wonder… what’s getting in my way of being an ordinary radical?  A radical is defined as - of or going to the root or origin. What is the root of Christianity? It seems we’ve strayed so far from what God has truely called us to BE (not just DO).

I was also challenged by a man by the name of Ryan Guerra in the band called Kiros (if you haven’t checked them out I HIGHLY suggest you do so)  Kiros has been bringing World Vision child sponsorship pamphlets out on tour with them.  Now in high school I had adopted a girl in Peru with some friends of mine but after a year gave it up.  But Ryan got in my face about it.  He was intentional about making me think of how I spend my money.  Here I am wondering how I can be an “ordinary radical” and there’s an opportunity right under my nose and I tried to avoid it.  Ryan took over 20 minutes of talking to me to finally convince me to adopt a child.  Looking around my room right now I see all these “THINGS”  these materials that I have but certainly do not need.  I think I’m scared to be an ordinary radical. If I truly got back to the root of Christ’s teachings, I wouldn’t have this computer I’m typing on, I wouldn’t have so many CDs, DVDs, books, clothes, nick-nacks, electronics.  I wouldn’t be spending my time worrying about grades and money or going to concerts.  I desire to be an ordinary radical, but I’m afraid of taking up the first step.  Truthfully if I followed Christ’s teachings, he would seemingly “ruin” my life and everything I’ve worked for.

God has proven so good – RYFO site launch

I was seriously brought to tears.  Reading all the prayer requests of so many men and women of God who desire to use their talent to express themselves to others.  Self-less individuals who have sacrificed so much, post-poned education, comfort of a home life, stable and continual relationships.  I can’t explain how blessed I feel to be a part of RYFO.  I love how God brought me and used my current situation for RYFO.  

Did you feel it? Did you feel God moving?  I did; somewhere between the lines of words that communicated the hurt and hope of these men and women.  God is on the rise.  God in music won’t dye. No sir.

Bringing Peace to Discontent

I’ve been known to be a dreamer. My parents have called me a limit pusher since I can remember. I can always do more or see more or try more. What’s given isn’t enough. My relationship with Christ has grown immensely for that reason. What the typical person or church goer had wasn’t enough for me. I dreamt of more. But there has been a problem arising recently about my limit pushing and day dreaming. What God has before me and where He has me isn’t enough. I find myself thinking about other places I’d rather be or other people I’d rather be around, which is fine, but it’s getting to the point where I’m neglecting my current situation.

Why am I so discontent with where God has me? It’s because I’m focusing to much on the world and not enough on Him. We are told that this world is never enough, we are and will never be completely satisfied. I’m sure feeling it. But what if my focus wasn’t on my discontent with the world or my situation but on my satisfying relationship with Christ?

Philiphians 4:12-13 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

The secret is Christ! It doesn’t matter where I am, who I’m with what I’m doing. If I can learn to have complacency in my relationship with Christ my focus will remain on how I can better serve Him where He has me.
Philippians 3:14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Press on towards Jesus, not a bigger pay check, better friends, more gadgets, fans, viewers, whatever.

Jesus is the secret!

I’m slowly dying

Ok so I’m not physically dying just yet.  Right now I’m at home attempting to study and it is just not happening.  This weekend was amazing.  I got to meet some amazing guys and encourage them and try to supply some hope for them on the road.  Sitting at the kitchen table trying to read and write is killing me.  There is no way I’m going to be able to handle a desk job when I graduate.  I can’t stand it.  I think I have “adult ADD” no lie.  It’s so weird because when I’m editing I can edit for hours upon hours but when it comes to reading I’m lucky if my brain carries me through it for 20 minutes without being distracted.  I love hands on, I love field work, I love meeting people.  I can’t wait for college to be over.  I know I’m going to regret saying that once it’s over but I really can’t handle all of this.  I think if it hadn’t been for my parents pushing me so much I wouldn’t have made it through my first year of college.  It’s created too much stress on me  and I’ve wanted to quit on several occasions.  Last year I tried to convince my parents to let me take a semester off to do mission work (which they didn’t agree with).  Then after this summer I tried to convince them to let me get a degree online and work full time (which they really didn’t like).  I have 2 more semesters after this one if all goes as planned.  My patients are running low, but God willing I’ll make it through.  I’ll make it through.

Somewhere I Belong

Here are the things in life I have a passion for:

Jesus Christ
Music – especially that composed by Christian artists
Bands and taking care of them
Youth and People and getting to know them
Camp Hebron (random, but true)

I’ve been thinking a lot about what it is that God will do with my life.  The past week or so I’ve been thinking about Camp and how much I miss it.  God used camp to show true Christianity to me, He used it to bring me to a relationship with him.  I fully believe in their ministry and it drive me nuts not being able to play a part in it this summer.  I desire so much to relate to people and to get to know them. 

Living in Nashville is both a blessing and at the same time difficult for me.  It’s given me the opportunity to meet new people, hear their stories, and share some of mine.  However because I am essensially the “vistor” here I don’t feel as inclined to approach people.  At church today was the frist time I went up to someone to see if he was new and see if maybe he needed someone to sit with yada yada… turns out however he wasn’t new.  It’s difficult when you’re somewhere unfamiliar and you don’t neseccarily call your home to reach out to people and make sure they’re welcome. 

I love people. I love music. And I love God above all.  Interning this summer at times has made me question if an office job at a label is really what I’m called to do.  I’m a very relational person.  Some people don’t really understand it and that’s fine, sometimes they take it the wrong way when I ask too many questions about them.  That’s just how God designed me. It is what it is.  Being down here has made me miss the connections I was able to form working at camp.  But yesterday a band contacted me and needed a place to stay again.  It killed me that I wasn’t home to greet them and welcome them into my house (even though this was the third time at the house).  At that moment I was like, no I want to be in music.  I want to help these bands.  I want to make sure their message is heard.  If only I could find a job or even 2 jobs that would allow me to combined everything I’m passionate about.  Somewhere I belong.